Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My dick has a subreddit
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
