in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
