I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
