She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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