I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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