hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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