Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ttyl tear gas
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
