Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
