I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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