Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
