after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
