Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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