You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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