Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
