Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
