I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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