I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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