Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
