Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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