i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am spending my child support on dildos
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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