Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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