you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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