I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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