I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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