I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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