i think my mom watched the whole time
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
