I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
