Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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