You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
