He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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