I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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