It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
