Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
