His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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