i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
