well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
