I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
