Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
worst night to have a conscience
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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