i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
