Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
