I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
