You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
