Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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