Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
