My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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