Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
