Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
