My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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