So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
