Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
