So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
