There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
