Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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