WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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