OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
