Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
