Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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