How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
