she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
