I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
