The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
