I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
