i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
