I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
