you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
