i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
