I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
