I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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