You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
