dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
