I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
