4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
