if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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