A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
