if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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