I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
