Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
