I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
