Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
