that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
